How often have you heard someone say “I don’t like conflict.”
Maybe you’ve said this yourself. Maybe you’ve said it many times. Maybe you’ve even gone out of your way to avoid conflict.
When I hear someone say “I don’t like conflict” they are most often talking about conflict with other people and what they’re really saying is they don’t want to feel friction.
Friction is uncomfortable. 36-grit sandpaper for your soul.
The crazy part is people who work the hardest to avoid conflict have to face it almost every moment of every day, albeit a different kind of conflict.
And this conflict is greater than it could ever be with another person.
It also causes more friction in their lives than any disagreement or confrontation they could have with anyone else.
These people deal with the same conflict we all do: The conflict with ourselves.
At its core, this is the conflict between doing what you know you should do and doing what you want to do.
It’s the battle in your mind each time you must choose between doing the easy thing or the hard thing.
Staying in bed or getting up.
Eating processed shit all day or eating clean.
Getting consumed by the World or doing your best to get consumed by the Word of God.
Getting distracted by social media all day or putting your head down and doing the work that will create the wealth you want.
Burying your head in your phone when you get home or connecting with your family.
These are examples of internal conflicts we all face and whether you realize it or not, these cause friction because you know the difference between right and wrong. You can feel the difference between those two.
That conflict produces friction which slows momentum in building the life you want.
What you likely don’t recognize is conflict is the path to inner peace.
Every point of conflict is a choice to create friction or momentum.
For me, this happens every morning at 4:35 AM when my alarm clock goes off.
It is not just waking me up. It is giving me my first conflict of the day.
I always want to stay in bed. It doesn’t matter if I slept well or not. It doesn’t matter if it’s a cold winter morning or the dawn of a warm summer day. Wanting to stay in bed is a constant.
That’s where the friction starts. A voice in my head says “It’s no big deal if you skip the gym today. You go all the time! Why don’t you just rest today?”
If I listen to that voice, I’ll be in conflict with myself for the rest of the day because I know I should have gone to the gym.
The conflict will be there no matter what. It’s just a choice of how long I want to feel the friction of that conflict.
I can feel it for a few minutes between my alarm and when my feet hit the floor or I can feel it all day in the regret of knowing I didn’t follow through on a commitment I made to myself.
That first few minutes of the day is just the beginning of conflict and friction.
I face conflict when I feel like I don’t have enough time to read the Bible and meditate.
I face conflict when I am making all of the food I take to work (I bring 4 lunches with me) because I know fast food is going to taste SO much better than the grilled chicken and rice I’m taking.
Like everyone who owns a business, I face conflict all day. I have a choice to get in the middle and resolve it or hide in my office and hope it will somehow resolve itself. We all know how the latter works out.
Conflict strikes again the second I get home when I am so exhausted that all I want to do is sit down and be alone, but I know that’s the best time of day to have an influence in my kid’s lives. It’s conflict even though I know if I don’t influence them now, they’ll choose someone on YouTube or TikTok to influence them.
I even face conflict after the kids go to sleep when I want to sit on the couch and watch TV with my wife instead of connecting with conversation.
About the only time I don’t face conflict is when I sleep.
Here’s the deal: When I face those conflicts and overcome them, I have inner peace because I’m not living with regret.
Regret of not going to the gym …
Regret of not attempting to understand God …
Regret of not doing my absolute best in business …
Regret of not connecting with my wife and my kids …
It seems to be rare that I overcome those conflicts with myself where most people struggle, so I’ll share my secret and bet you’ll be surprised.
It comes down to the avoidance of pain.
Of course, some of you might say the things I’m doing are painful and I get it, but what you may not see is how not doing those things becomes even more painful.
Today’s conflicts are small. Put your feet on the floor when the alarm clock goes off. Read the word. Make the money. Connect with your family.
The longer you put off facing conflict, the bigger it becomes.
All of a sudden, you’re not healthy enough to put your feet on the floor when the alarm goes off.
You distance yourself from purpose.
You’re broke … or at the very least living well below your potential.
You’re completely alone because your family has left you.
These might seem like extreme examples to you and you might tell yourself things like “that will never happen to me.”
But I can assure you with absolute certainty that those things have happened and the people those things have happened to also thought it would never happen to them either.
So the choice is yours,
You can avoid conflict with yourself and feel the friction that comes with regret …
Or
You can face the conflict head on, knowing that the friction will be uncomfortable but very short lived.
And if you still struggle to make this choice, then ask yourself “What would I do now if I wanted to treat my future self better?”
Choose wisely my friend.
